Though Annabelle and I have painted together quite a lot, I have usually prepared her paper for her. As we were getting ready to paint on this day I decided she could probably handle doing it on her own. When I started to show her what to do she said, "I KNOW."
And to my surprise, she did actually know! I can only guess that she has seen me do it enough that she learned...
 |
| She let her paper drip dry in the bathroom, then carried it to her hardboard. |
 |
| Then she took my flannel and dried it by rubbing from the inside out. |
 |
| Then she talked nonstop and sang while she painted. (Definitely didn't learn that from me.) |
 |
| She painted three paintings. |
 |
| There in the corner she used a blue shop towel to lift out a shadow of a small teepee. (Notice the bones on the table there? They are my recent favorite find from a shop in Berkeley: a scapula and jawbone, both from a buffalo. I hope to collect more.) |
Something dawned on me today that was so obvious: I have to be what I want her to be. I know this in many ways: from my studies of child development, from my Waldorf background and from basic experience as a mother. But I had not truly brought it forward into full consciousness until this day, not in a way that forced me to look at myself more closely.
There are things I know she will "get" from me. And from Dave. She will be musical, there is no doubt. She will have certain capacities in the visual arts. She will love to read. But there are qualities I would love to encourage as she grows and I see that perhaps I could stand to work on encouraging some self-growth too. Because there is a side to Annabelle that is impatient, driven, bossy, and overly sensitive and, gosh, what a mirror I look into every day!
From a simple afternoon of painting I began to realize how much friendlier I need to be. And that I could be more enthusiastic and happier. More loving. Though it is not that I am not friendly or loving or happy, I think I could just bring a little bit more childlike wonder into my everyday practical get-it-done working-mom life.
And I want to have more fun! This is probably the biggest realization I have had this past week during Spring Break. I don't want to live a life that doesn't have enough time to take walks or daydream... Annabelle turns six in less than two weeks. It is a powerful thing to realize that your child will never be small again. Sentimental clichés begin to spill out from my heart: Enjoy her while it lasts! Appreciate her while she's young! They grow up so fast!
Somehow the sentiment is mixed up in the practical and it has become a week of inner discoveries and growth. Nothing is sorted out, the inner does not match the outer, questions beget more questions and the answers are elusive. Maybe this is the perfect place to be for Easter.
 |
| After a while she moved on to tissue paper painting. |
 |
| "See? A hummingbird!" |
