This year I really tried. We took Annabelle to two pumpkin patches. I started the tradition of giving her a handknit gnome doll (two, actually, to make up for last year!) We had a small dinner with grama and grampa. We marked the occasion. I took pictures. And I made a video montage because, well, it was just so much fun.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Happy Harvest Time!!!
There is something that I always want Halloween to be about and every year that I try to participate in the holiday I'm a little disappointed. Last year I ignored it altogether. But this year I wanted to mark the season with a celebration. I just didn't want the celebration to be about scary costumes (or even worse: Disney costumes) and candy. I wanted it to be about the harvest, about bright autumn colors, the first rain of the season, animals and hay rides. Roasted chicken with root vegetables and apple crisp warm from the oven. Warm sweaters and wearing hats. Cuddling under the covers in the morning before slipping into the chill morning air.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
For the love of handknits
The warshrag. So, I know you know I've been knitting lately but I want to talk about it a little more.
I first learned to knit in the fourth or fifth grade. My mom and I made slippers. After that project I didn't pick up needles again until I was in my late twenties and completing my foundation year at Rudolph Steiner College in hopes of becoming a Waldorf Teacher. Now, after nearly three years, I am at it again. And it's wonderful!!
The best part about knitting again is that it is a sign that I am starting to feel back inside myself. I am getting a tad more sleep, enjoying my long days with Annabelle, really getting into living in this new apartment with my family, and able to focus just a little bit of energy on myself.
My first project was a scarf. It was safe and simple. My next was a dishcloth. Or, if you are like me and have paternal roots in Missouri, you know it's called a warshrag. The pattern forced me out of my little garter stitch shell... and opened up a world of knitting ambitions.
Wait till you see what I've done over the last six weeks! I've been having the best time, knitting at playgrounds while sitting on a blanket in the shade watching Annabelle play, stuffing a ball of yarn in my pocket and knitting while following Annabelle around on walks, keeping a little project in my bag and knitting whenever I'm waiting on anything at all. Hats, dolls, sweater, purse, scarves... I have a lot to share.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Connecting GERD reflux and pesticides: a probability?
Annabelle has gone exactly two weeks without her reflux medication. Two weeks. Two weeks!!
My little girl is going to be okay!
It has been a long and difficult road helping Annabelle and the whole family through life with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, GERD. Many people don't know what reflux is all about, or about the impact it can have on your day to day lives (sometimes hour to hour!), or the many things a parent will do to help their little one. Talking about it with these people was sometimes a relief, a chance to tell my story. Other times, I felt defensive around them, as if I had to prove that I was a good parent and didn't mistakenly DO SOMETHING to cause my daughter's reflux. Once I had an older woman tell me that she only realized through my sharing that her daughter had had the same problem but the doctors never figured it out. (This happens all too often!) And I was able to offer some moral support and practical advice to one parent whose doctor was trying to convince her to start medication to help with her daughter's GERD.
And, sadly, there were so many people who offered canned advice who knew nothing about the issue. Or felt that their singular experience with the disease made them an expert on the subject. GERD has tested me in many ways: I have come to realize the actual benefit of some alternative medicinal practices that I would have previously discounted as weird or "all in their mind", I have grown to be more tolerant of the ignorant ways people offer what they think is help, I have come to trust myself as a mother and am more willing to trust that other mothers are truly doing what they believe to be best for their child.
I only realized this past week that I hadn't believed Annabelle would be able to get off the medication this soon. I had fully surrendered to the idea that we would be going through our hated nightly ritual of medicine giving for at least the next two years. And I had expected some major ramifications during the last two weeks as her body adjusted to not having the medication, but there really haven't been any.
What a relief.
Reflux is a crazy thing for a parent to watch. It manifests itself differently in different people. It can cause permanent damage and lifelong stomach issues if not addressed properly.
Annabelle had terrible colic from week 2 to week 11. She had always been a big spit-up baby. But the spit up seemed to me like a lot. I called people. I asked the nurses. All I heard was, "Oh, yes, all babies spit up. It's normal. Don't worry. Totally normal." Finally, at four months I got out the measuring cup and started measuring the amount of "spit up" Annabelle had at certain times of day. I wanted to know for sure: What exactly was normal? Why were my alarms going off? Why did Annabelle cry after each spit up?
I was able to determine, with the help of my measuring cup and a few calculations with the nurse on the phone that Annabelle was actually vomiting several times a day. And her colicky crying at bed time was because GERD hurts like hell. Even at six months, after trying three different medications to see what worked the best, after trying to get her to sleep more than two hours in a row (didn't happen until a year, no kidding), after buying her a new bed that inclined, and putting even the changing table at an incline, after always making sure her head was above her stomach, and after going on a severe elimination diet and working to figure out Annabelle's food allergies/sensitivities, we still didn't have it figured out.
I know all those things helped a little bit. But I also know that Annabelle needed a lot of help. And I now understand what it means to be a mother who refuses to stop seeking help if her daughter is hurting, even if the medicine masks the problem. Sometimes doctors got frustrated with me. More frequently, I was the one getting frustrated with the doctors.
I know that, for Annabelle, chiropractic treatment was critical in her recovery. So was eliminating allergens from our diet. (Some people still believe that breastfeeding moms can eat whatever they wish because it really has no effect. I heard advice from so many of these moms and I never knew how to respond. I mean, really, they go ahead and eat at McDonalds and then watch their baby cry for the next day and a half and are STILL selfish enough to insist that they had nothing to do with it. Give me a break!)
But the last major breakthrough in Annabelle's recovery was so simple: we started eating organic. One doctor mentioned that there is the smallest amount of evidence that shows a relationship between reflux and pesticides. And so I did a little research and learned that pesticides are oil based. This means that they don't come off when you rinse them with water. You have to use a fruit/vegetable wash of some kind to wash it off. (They sell them in health food type stores. And when I wash our produce I can actually feel the residue coming off all slimy.) Also, pesticides are stored in fat cells. So the more animal fats you eat, the more likely you are to be exposing yourself to pesticides. We started buying organic produce and I gave up red meat completely. And Annabelle has started sleeping four hour stretches. She's even gone seven or eight hours two or three times!
And here we are now, looking back at 13 months of medication, knowing that it's finally behind us. For real.
I have wondered how many mothers out there know the anguish that I have felt, continuously, for my daughter's situation. And how many of them know the utter relief and joy and tears I have now.
My little girl is going to be okay!
It has been a long and difficult road helping Annabelle and the whole family through life with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, GERD. Many people don't know what reflux is all about, or about the impact it can have on your day to day lives (sometimes hour to hour!), or the many things a parent will do to help their little one. Talking about it with these people was sometimes a relief, a chance to tell my story. Other times, I felt defensive around them, as if I had to prove that I was a good parent and didn't mistakenly DO SOMETHING to cause my daughter's reflux. Once I had an older woman tell me that she only realized through my sharing that her daughter had had the same problem but the doctors never figured it out. (This happens all too often!) And I was able to offer some moral support and practical advice to one parent whose doctor was trying to convince her to start medication to help with her daughter's GERD.
And, sadly, there were so many people who offered canned advice who knew nothing about the issue. Or felt that their singular experience with the disease made them an expert on the subject. GERD has tested me in many ways: I have come to realize the actual benefit of some alternative medicinal practices that I would have previously discounted as weird or "all in their mind", I have grown to be more tolerant of the ignorant ways people offer what they think is help, I have come to trust myself as a mother and am more willing to trust that other mothers are truly doing what they believe to be best for their child.
I only realized this past week that I hadn't believed Annabelle would be able to get off the medication this soon. I had fully surrendered to the idea that we would be going through our hated nightly ritual of medicine giving for at least the next two years. And I had expected some major ramifications during the last two weeks as her body adjusted to not having the medication, but there really haven't been any.
What a relief.
Reflux is a crazy thing for a parent to watch. It manifests itself differently in different people. It can cause permanent damage and lifelong stomach issues if not addressed properly.
Annabelle had terrible colic from week 2 to week 11. She had always been a big spit-up baby. But the spit up seemed to me like a lot. I called people. I asked the nurses. All I heard was, "Oh, yes, all babies spit up. It's normal. Don't worry. Totally normal." Finally, at four months I got out the measuring cup and started measuring the amount of "spit up" Annabelle had at certain times of day. I wanted to know for sure: What exactly was normal? Why were my alarms going off? Why did Annabelle cry after each spit up?
I was able to determine, with the help of my measuring cup and a few calculations with the nurse on the phone that Annabelle was actually vomiting several times a day. And her colicky crying at bed time was because GERD hurts like hell. Even at six months, after trying three different medications to see what worked the best, after trying to get her to sleep more than two hours in a row (didn't happen until a year, no kidding), after buying her a new bed that inclined, and putting even the changing table at an incline, after always making sure her head was above her stomach, and after going on a severe elimination diet and working to figure out Annabelle's food allergies/sensitivities, we still didn't have it figured out.
I know all those things helped a little bit. But I also know that Annabelle needed a lot of help. And I now understand what it means to be a mother who refuses to stop seeking help if her daughter is hurting, even if the medicine masks the problem. Sometimes doctors got frustrated with me. More frequently, I was the one getting frustrated with the doctors.
I know that, for Annabelle, chiropractic treatment was critical in her recovery. So was eliminating allergens from our diet. (Some people still believe that breastfeeding moms can eat whatever they wish because it really has no effect. I heard advice from so many of these moms and I never knew how to respond. I mean, really, they go ahead and eat at McDonalds and then watch their baby cry for the next day and a half and are STILL selfish enough to insist that they had nothing to do with it. Give me a break!)
But the last major breakthrough in Annabelle's recovery was so simple: we started eating organic. One doctor mentioned that there is the smallest amount of evidence that shows a relationship between reflux and pesticides. And so I did a little research and learned that pesticides are oil based. This means that they don't come off when you rinse them with water. You have to use a fruit/vegetable wash of some kind to wash it off. (They sell them in health food type stores. And when I wash our produce I can actually feel the residue coming off all slimy.) Also, pesticides are stored in fat cells. So the more animal fats you eat, the more likely you are to be exposing yourself to pesticides. We started buying organic produce and I gave up red meat completely. And Annabelle has started sleeping four hour stretches. She's even gone seven or eight hours two or three times!
And here we are now, looking back at 13 months of medication, knowing that it's finally behind us. For real.
I have wondered how many mothers out there know the anguish that I have felt, continuously, for my daughter's situation. And how many of them know the utter relief and joy and tears I have now.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Monday afternoon bragbook: Annabelle's new hat
I knit this hat for Annabelle over the weekend. I searched online for the perfect pattern and couldn't find anything I really liked so I made one up. It turned out differently than I expected, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised... It's not like I've ever made up a pattern before. Fortunately there's a little growing room in it. Better than doing all that work and having it turn out too small.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
A visit to the pumpkin farm
Tanaka Farms is purportedly the only place in Orange County where you can pick your pumpkin right off the vine.
I got caught up in the allure of doing this before I fully realized what it entailed. Mature pumpkins have little thorns. The ground is very muddy. The pumpkins are caked with both wet and dry mud. You have to saw the squash off the vine and then load it into a wheelbarrow and cart it to your car. The pumpkins aren't set up in a nice row, organized by size.
Basically, the pumpkin buyer is saving the farmer from having to pay laborers to do this work. And since I've never actually purchased a pumpkin from a patch of any sort before, I was really glad they had a section set up with clean, nicely shaped, priced pumpkins in a tent off in the corner. Complete with petting zoo. (Actually the petting zoo was a cage filled with about fifty goats and one pig.)
But the primary reason for our visit was to take advantage of the beautiful colors and get some great pictures. We have to have proof that we did something to celebrate these little holidays with Annabelle, right?
I got caught up in the allure of doing this before I fully realized what it entailed. Mature pumpkins have little thorns. The ground is very muddy. The pumpkins are caked with both wet and dry mud. You have to saw the squash off the vine and then load it into a wheelbarrow and cart it to your car. The pumpkins aren't set up in a nice row, organized by size.
Basically, the pumpkin buyer is saving the farmer from having to pay laborers to do this work. And since I've never actually purchased a pumpkin from a patch of any sort before, I was really glad they had a section set up with clean, nicely shaped, priced pumpkins in a tent off in the corner. Complete with petting zoo. (Actually the petting zoo was a cage filled with about fifty goats and one pig.)
But the primary reason for our visit was to take advantage of the beautiful colors and get some great pictures. We have to have proof that we did something to celebrate these little holidays with Annabelle, right?
Friday, October 13, 2006
Low cholesterol: I bet a million bucks you didn't know it could be a problem.
Months ago Dave and I applied for life insurance. Part of the application process required that we give a blood sample. After about a month, we received our lab results -courtesy of the insurance company. I glanced over my results and everything seemed great. I knew I was healthy, only now I had confirmation.
Then, a couple weeks later my insurance agent called to say that they were raising my premium 20% because I had low cholesterol.
What? Low cholesterol is good. The lower, the better, isn't it?
So I went online to do a little research and found very little information about low cholesterol as a health problem. But there was this one site, created by a woman who had the problem, that listed a couple very interesting points:
1. Nobody will believe you have a real problem. And there is very little information or research out there to help you figure out the risks or solutions.
2. There are several side affects, mainly depression and/or anxiety.
3. Low cholesterol may indicate hyperthyroidism, liver disease, or malabsorption.
Anxiety. You mean, the primary problem I've had since Annabelle was born? Since I'd moved to Orange County? The same problem I've been dealing with since I started the elimination diet and stopped eating any dairy and most red meat (among other foods) to reduce the allergens in my breast milk?
Apparently cholesterol levels below 160 have been linked with anxiety disorders. And those under 180 are at greater risk for hemorrhagic stroke. Anything around 180-200 is optimal.
My number? 120.
And, actually, my blood was drawn before I gave up red meat. (Eliminating red meat from my diet has shown to have a dramatic improvement in Annabelle's ability to sleep more.) I can only imagine that over the last couple of months it's dropped a little bit more since I've gone from eating beef three to four times a week to zero.
When I looked up hypocholesterolmia in Wikipedia I learned that there are some people out there who test below 50. Strangely, it make me feel a little relieved. But I know I've got to get this solved before problems arise.
I've already informed Dave that as soon as I wean Annabelle I'll be putting myself on an ice cream diet. Oh, and lots and lots of butter on everything. Gosh, doesn't that sound delicious? Maybe I'll just bake a ton of shortbread and eat that all day. Yum!! And while I'm here talking about food that I haven't been able to eat for the last seventeen months, I'll list the first things I'm going to shove in my mouth the second I nurse Annabelle for the last time: brownies, brie cheese on water crackers, squaw bread, bagels with cream cheese and lox, a peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole wheat bread with a tall glass of milk, a white russian, some baileys on the rocks, whipped cream and berries, poached eggs with toast, and chocolate cake. All that would probably solve the low cholesterol issue, don't you think?
It seems weaning Annabelle is coming up here pretty soon. Actually, she's slowly self weaning. Twice this past week she only woke up once to nurse. A miracle!! And so, I've had two 24-hour periods when I only nursed her three times. I can also tell my milk is not as present as it once was... we're definitely closing in on the end of that section of Annabelle's babyhood. Sigh. I look forward to it sometimes, but mostly I try not to think about it too much.
Then, a couple weeks later my insurance agent called to say that they were raising my premium 20% because I had low cholesterol.
What? Low cholesterol is good. The lower, the better, isn't it?
So I went online to do a little research and found very little information about low cholesterol as a health problem. But there was this one site, created by a woman who had the problem, that listed a couple very interesting points:
1. Nobody will believe you have a real problem. And there is very little information or research out there to help you figure out the risks or solutions.
2. There are several side affects, mainly depression and/or anxiety.
3. Low cholesterol may indicate hyperthyroidism, liver disease, or malabsorption.
Anxiety. You mean, the primary problem I've had since Annabelle was born? Since I'd moved to Orange County? The same problem I've been dealing with since I started the elimination diet and stopped eating any dairy and most red meat (among other foods) to reduce the allergens in my breast milk?
Apparently cholesterol levels below 160 have been linked with anxiety disorders. And those under 180 are at greater risk for hemorrhagic stroke. Anything around 180-200 is optimal.
My number? 120.
And, actually, my blood was drawn before I gave up red meat. (Eliminating red meat from my diet has shown to have a dramatic improvement in Annabelle's ability to sleep more.) I can only imagine that over the last couple of months it's dropped a little bit more since I've gone from eating beef three to four times a week to zero.
When I looked up hypocholesterolmia in Wikipedia I learned that there are some people out there who test below 50. Strangely, it make me feel a little relieved. But I know I've got to get this solved before problems arise.
I've already informed Dave that as soon as I wean Annabelle I'll be putting myself on an ice cream diet. Oh, and lots and lots of butter on everything. Gosh, doesn't that sound delicious? Maybe I'll just bake a ton of shortbread and eat that all day. Yum!! And while I'm here talking about food that I haven't been able to eat for the last seventeen months, I'll list the first things I'm going to shove in my mouth the second I nurse Annabelle for the last time: brownies, brie cheese on water crackers, squaw bread, bagels with cream cheese and lox, a peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole wheat bread with a tall glass of milk, a white russian, some baileys on the rocks, whipped cream and berries, poached eggs with toast, and chocolate cake. All that would probably solve the low cholesterol issue, don't you think?
It seems weaning Annabelle is coming up here pretty soon. Actually, she's slowly self weaning. Twice this past week she only woke up once to nurse. A miracle!! And so, I've had two 24-hour periods when I only nursed her three times. I can also tell my milk is not as present as it once was... we're definitely closing in on the end of that section of Annabelle's babyhood. Sigh. I look forward to it sometimes, but mostly I try not to think about it too much.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Visiting a park in the SF Bay Area
Recently Dave and I attended his sister's wedding. It was the most beautiful and perfect wedding I had ever been to... no kidding. There wasn't a single detail missed, from the perfect Heirloom Tomato salad, to the gardenias floating in the fountains, and from the little gift bags left in each hotel room greeting out-of-towners with wine, maps, sweets, and coupons to having a highchair for Annabelle at our table. I have never been to a wedding like it!
You might expect that I would have pictures of the event to share here, but I don't. Sorry. (Unless you want to see pictures of me getting ready in the hotel room... boring.)
All I have are some shots of Dave and Annabelle playing at a park near the hotel the day before. But, gosh, isn't she cute? She was so freeking crabby and tired and whiny I was going out of my mind. But the pictures turned out okay.
She sees me from a distance and breaks out in a run, giggling... it's enough to melt my heart.
Approaching me offensively, very determined to wrest the camera from my hands. 
Pissed at me for not letting her play with the camera. I figure that's the last time I see her happily run towards me in glee across a swath of green grass.
I loved how she squatted in the lone patch of sunlight, lighting up her pigtails.
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