I felt very prepared for the first year to be tough, but that was NOTHING compared to how hard I'm working these days. Annabelle is still very much a baby and wants to be held and cuddled. But she's also not so much a baby anymore and she wiggles and kicks and throws things and screams and gets frustrated at not being able to do what she wants.
She will not permit me to do ANYTHING outside of her line of sight without emitting constant ear piercing screams. Dakota Fanning style. In fact, she sometimes screams while I'm holding her. Yesterday she screamed more than ten times while near me and today I am honestly suffering in my right ear. It alternates between throbbing and feeling muffled and my hearing capacity is down by about 35 to 40 percent. I'm really worried about it and hoping it's not permanent. When she screamed at me this afternoon, pain shot through my ear and I had to catch my breath. I didn't realize that toddlers could be so dangerous.
I have learned that she screams most often when I am doing something that she cannot witness... like on the kitchen or bathroom counter. And, so, what does a mom do? She goes shopping for a solution: a baby backpack carrier. It might seem extreme, but when I put her in it I saw something in her face I rarely see. Contentment.
Finally, right over mom's shoulder she can view the world as she's always longed to... and I can
start building muscles in my torso from carrying her on my back and give my arms a rest. Along with getting more stuff done, of course. When I was at the store trying it out, the clerk asked me what I planned to use it for... "A trip to Disneyland? Going hiking? Or just out to the supermarket?" I smiled a little sheepishly and said, "Actually, I plan to use it around the house." and then, in my normal apologetic fashion added, "Is that silly?" He smiled and said, "That's what they all want it for."Oh. I hate it when I feel insecure about something and then find out that it actually is a common problem that mothers don't talk about. (Probably because they're feeling insecure too, eh?)
So, I don't actually think the backpack will allow me to work less, but actually more! I will be able to wash my hands, cook, clean up, and do all the regular wifey things. And hopefully I can avoid more hearing loss.
